Because You Are The Dads of the Future. Period.
My awkward & adorable brown dad
“Can you tell us about your experience of being on your period while fasting during Ramadan?”
THINX recently asked me to write a short piece on this topic, and I think I wildly disappointed them when I shared that Muslim women are exempt from fasting & our daily prayers while we are on our period. They decided to "go in another direction,” but their question prompted me to think about the relationship between womanhood & religion. And for me, so much of what has defined this intersection in my life is the month of Ramadan.
THINX was on the nose with their question - there is a potential added physical discomfort and hardship that comes with praying/fasting while menstruating, and so Islam specifically provides a release from these obligations for women during these times. Our religious tradition pushes us to be mindful of our nutritional intake and take rest during this time.
As most of us know, in too many cultures, period-talk is taboo. Women are shunned, shamed, and mistreated all over the world while menstruating. There are of course milder degrees of this, but in most South Asian families (among others) even now and in Western culture, periods aren’t openly discussed -- particularly around men.
And so — maybe like many of you — I used to cringe from embarrassment at the thought of my dad knowing I was on my period. I don’t know why this one thing felt so awkward because he has 3 daughters, and there’s so much other stuff that he would do for us that I never thought was weird! Like…he’d buy us pads from the grocery store, take us to threading appointments, and he’d wait patiently as our mom took us to the bra sections of the department stores. He let it all happen in a gentle way, without awkwardnes, but also without talking about it.
So when I got my period during Ramadan, I of course wouldn’t wake up for suhoor (the meal Muslims eat before sunrise to start our fast), but I used to pretend that I was fasting and that I was taking a 7 day hiatus from suhoor 😂 Of course, my dad knew why I wasn’t waking up, but he played the game and didn’t question it. I didn't want to tip toe around the kitchen and make myself breakfast/lunch while everyone else was fasting, so I’d end up just not eating the whole day. My dad didn’t want me to starve myself out of embarrassment, so every morning, my dad would wake up early and leave a glass of chocolate milk and a banana for me next to my keys, along with some lunch money. I'd gulp it down and grab my banana to go..and we continued to just not talk about it.
Like many South Asian dads, my dad tends to be quiet when it comes to anything emotional or uncomfortable. But he is fiercely protective. And fiercely loving in his own quiet way. And though I didn't appreciate it then, I can see now that he unknowingly bridged the gap between the culture he knew and the culture he wished to create. My dad challenged an unspoken rule and did what came naturally to him: he took care of me, quietly and without any fuss. Through this simple act of love, he taught me how to take care of myself and taught me how to honor my own rights & God-given blessings in Islam.
This last Ramadan, my girlfriends and I made it a point to be open about when we weren’t fasting around our guy friends. They looked at us uncomfortably when we said “I’m not fasting today.” or “I’m not praying today.” They avoided eye contact. They squirmed. Towards the end of the month, one of my guy friends asked, “why are you sharing so much?” I laughed & shrugged it off, but there were so many reasons to be open about it.
Because I never want to hear you say “dude I don’t have any sisters, how should I know?”
Because if our immigrant fathers — who had to bridge discomforts that we’ll never know — could facilitate change through love and compassion, isn’t the least we can do with our 1st generation American privilege talk about the things that make us a little bit uncomfortable.
Because with this privilege comes the responsibility of creating change through dialogue, empathy and a truer understanding of another’s realities.
Because if we can’t talk about the facts, then what can we talk about.
Because there should be more dads like mine in this world.
Because you are the dads of the future. And you should be ready to treat your future daughters with the compassion that will mold them into strong, confident women who embrace their rights as women, both in Islam & outside of it.
Period.
