The Stormy Path From Founder To Employee

The last time I wrote on here was more than 3 years ago! I can’t believe that. I was working on my startup, Sukoon Active, full-time. And I was about to embark on a cross-country move. A lot has happened since then.

I moved from NYC to LA at the end of 2019. As you can see here, I was a confused Californian from the start. Wearing sweaters and scarves in the low 70s! But more on LA Fashion later.

My plan for Sukoon in 2020 was to scale up and see if we could crack the volume game. And then in January 2020, our manufacturing partner started showing some early indicators of the pandemic. They were located in Western Europe, and as we all know now, the pandemic was in full-swing over there several weeks before it hit us in America. By March, they shared that the government was providing them more subsidy to operate at <50% capacity, and as a result, they were dropping all but their largest clients. 

I didn’t really know how to react to that news. But, in my heart of hearts, I knew that those relationships took me 2 years to build. That without a production partner, I didn’t have product; that without product, I didn’t have anything to sell; and without anything to sell, I didn’t have a business. My volume game was literally at 0. 

Throughout the summer of 2020, I tried to establish a new and temporary supply chain here in Los Angeles. I started half-heartedly applying for jobs and interviewing even more half-heartedly. I considered going back into real estate, where I spent the first half of my career. And then one day, I opened up an email from Shopify, and saw that some organization was doing a giveback program for entrepreneurs during the pandemic and teaching a course on performance marketing. I had too much time, so I signed up. 

The course was taught by Common Thread Collective (CTC), and I spent 2 weeks pouring over the basics of running a profitable business through performance marketing.

Shortly after, I saw that CTC was hiring. I cold messaged the CEO, Taylor Holiday, on LinkedIn with my resume. He interviewed me within the hour. I told him I didn’t know what I knew how to do, but I’ve done a bunch of different things, and I wanted to be around really smart people, and I promise to learn.

Two weeks later, I started as a paid media buyer at CTC. I had no idea what to expect, but I was relieved to have a steady paycheck while the world seemed to be…falling apart.

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My team was full of a lot of really hungry media buyers in their early 20s, and I, on the other hand, I was kind of a burnt-out startup founder in my early 30s trying to just…survive. I didn’t really know what to do with Sukoon. I kind of just ignored it for awhile. As you can imagine, that wasn’t the smartest idea…but more about that in another post. 

I poured myself into my new job. I was responsible for the paid media budgets of 4-6 small businesses that were making $5 million in revenue or less. Before I could even wrap my mind around all the new tools and processes I had to learn, I had to mentally prep myself every day to work with entrepreneurs that were just a few steps ahead of the success I was working towards for my own business only months earlier. Not only that…many small brands during Covid were experiencing the opposite of Sukoon’s reality; they were experiencing too much success because everyone was at home, online shopping, and bored out of their minds.

My mind and heart were all over the place during that time. Sometimes I was riding the highs of client wins alongside my roster, and in other moments, I was full of rage, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and regret of my foolish entrepreneurial pursuit. 

I share all this because…this is the stuff you never hear. At least I don’t. I hear about all the founders who are killing it, raising money, are on the 30 under 30 Forbes list.

But there must be more founders like me. Founders who have to reevaluate, get up, and weather the storm. Because no matter what anyone tells you…the transition from founder to employee…well, in my opinion, it’s always going to be a little stormy. 

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Two years later, I can say that quitting/pausing Sukoon to join CTC is the luckiest and best thing that every happened to me. I can’t believe how much I have learned. I didn’t even think it was possible to learn so much…and even scarier, I didn’t realize that at some point during Sukoon, I had just stopped learning. 

At CTC, I became proficient not only in Facebook but also had exposure to Google, email marketing, forecasting, digital strategy, client communication…the list goes on and on. I learned about the five voices and leadership and facilitating. Over time, I began to resent my operational experience a little bit less. I had started to heal and I loved spending time with my super goofy, super creative, super fun coworkers. I moved up within the organization and the learning curve became less scary. I started to realize that while I wanted Sukoon to be my everything…I started it at the age of 26. And to think that it had to be THE THING that I did for the rest of my life was…selling myself short. I learned that failing is ok. Like, it’s actually ok! That trying and not succeeding is better than not trying it all.

CTC opened my eyes to all the things I didn’t know in the direct-to-consumer ecosystem. I learned not only the technical expertise that I was hired to execute, but I also learned trends across e-comm, how to manage up, how agencies work, the trends across different levels of revenue in the e-comm space. I met awesome people both at the agency and outside of it. I learned a whole new language of marketing. I saw all the things I didn’t know how to do for Sukoon. And over time, instead of being saddened by that, I felt grateful for all the knowledge I have now that I didn’t have before. 

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So where does that leave me? Sukoon is still on pause. I don’t know what that means for now. It breaks my heart to think of shutting it down completely, but the world’s supply chain has changed a lot. I feel a little less attached. A little more recovered. We don’t have inventory. I’m looking into what it looks like to reestablish a supply chain. And I’m ok with that for now. 

After 2 years at Common Thread Collective, I am ready for a new adventure. I’m forever grateful to Taylor for not only taking a chance on me, but for mentoring me through one of the most critical and tumultuous times in my life and career. He told me in that first interview that he’d rather hire a founder over anyone else in the world…and that one little sentence still holds me up when I’m feeling my worst. I’m working on untying my value from my work, but it’s a long process.

And lastly. I’m starting something new. Yes, again! I’m interviewing for roles and freelancing, but in the meantime, I’m also pouring some of my creative energy into something a little bit different from what I’ve done before. I’ve learned that…I really enjoy building new things. And not everyone is a builder. Some people are maintainers. Or growers. Or scalers. Or exiters! But I am finally comfortable leaning into being the builder that gives me life, energy, and hope in the future.

I’m excited to share more about what I’ve been learning, and about what I’m building next. Stay tuned.